I made it through another week. Thank God for that. This week has been made bearable by my section commander... He was unusually nice. Strict, no doubt, but at least he took the time to explain things properly. We had basic navigation exercises this week. Walked till my feet were rubbed raw. Thank God my team didn't have to repeat the second exercise even though we didn't do very well... We could only find one checkpoint and only after 4 hours. I'm convinced that the MGR (Map Grid Reference) and the description of the location they gave us was wrong. My Garang Platoon Commander said he'll look into it. There'll be a third exercise on Monday. This will be the actual test... I pray that I won't screw up and I pray for decent team mates.

Been rather listless these few weeks. Training is always at the back of my mind. Even when I'm sleeping at home, I wake up every few hours to check whether its time to fall in. I had to force myself to sleep longer today. Thats why I managed to have the luxury of 9 hours of sleep.

From 14 June 2004
A storm. You are about to walk into a storm. A storm which will challenge the way you think, the way you speak and the way you behave. You will be challenged spiritually, mentally, morally & physically. You have to ground yourself in the word. Let God drop an anchor in the bedrock of your heart. So you will not waver. You need to prepare yourself so that you become consistent.

There will be times when you are down and you will hear God speaking to you and comforting you. But there will be times when you won't hear anything. It doesn't mean He's not there. This is when you just have to cling to Him. this storm, this fire is a purifying process so that when you get out of it, He will be able to use you.

How long more Lord?

Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
| Psalm 73:24-25 |

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
| John 14:25 |

You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.
You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.
| 2 Timothy 2:1-5 |

Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.
Yes, and if I am being poured out as a drink offering on the sacrifice and service of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. For the same reason you also be glad and rejoice with me.
| Philippians 2:14-18 |

Thank You Jesus...

Its a whole different ball game. The amount of anxiety they place on you to get you to do your job properly is insane. I've said before that I believe that fear is a poor form of motivation. Now I'm actually convinced... Yes, there should be discipline and standards to be met. But I believe that we would be able to carry out our task with quality if only they a tad more patient. But of course, I'm not in charge and there's a reason why they are. There's so many things that I've learnt that I can't even recall what they are. From navigation to signals to safety regulations. Everythings taught at a blinding pace. And physically strenuous activities every other day don't make things better.

This coming week will be a step higher in terms of the instructor's expectations. And I always have to be prepared for the role of Learner Platoon Sergeant (LPS) or Learner Sergeant Major (LSM). You never know when it'll be your turn. This week has been bearable but I feel physically drained... Fatigue is one of the key factors in this course.

But Christmas is here... Thats all that matters for now. Happy Birthday Jesus. Thank You for being with me. Your presence is undeniable and Your guidance unmistakable. But Lord, the future looks bleak and uncertain. I don't think I can make it with my own strength or determination. But I know that You give the strength and You provide the means to complete this phase of life. Despite issues that I choose to distract myself with, I pray to be soaked in your presence so that I will know Your will more each day. That there will come a day where I will no longer question the direction that I'm travelling in and have enough faith to throw myself completely into your arms and let you carry me. Lord, carry me through... Amen

Back home after a week of SISPEC training. It will definitely not be easy. But I will pull through with God by my side. I will do well! I know I can because He never leaves not forsakes me. He guides me at every step of training. He causes favour from my instructors to be shown to me. Although I didn't have time to read the bible this week, I thank God that He has been showing Himself to me in ways that I can understand.

We had thanksgiving night tonight in church. Rushed down to church after booking out. Really enjoyed myself there with the rest of XS. Its like being with your family again. The thanksgiving was really touching. I'm glad that I made a difference in their lives. Although I feel that I could have done more as a leader, I thank God that they have grown. I was also voted as 'Prom King'... All because I overdressed. Hahaha!

Probably going for paintball later with some of the church people. But I have to rush down to beach road to buy army stuff immediately after that. Have to buy a lot of things. I'm already broke for this month!!!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
And so I feel as if I'm left behind.
But I know better than that.
Cos I know, now is not the time
To be playing around with that.
Its not something lost, rather
a lesson has been learnt
A obstacle crossed, a step further
I could have lost my way, but I didn't
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

::: Quote of the Day :::
When my body cries out, 'Enough!'
My Spirit shouts, 'NEVER!'
| Seen at Alpha Coy Line |

::: Lyrics of the Day :::
You are the God of the broken
The friend of the weak
You wash the feet of the weary
Embrace the ones in need
I want to be like You, Jesus
To have this heart in me
You are the God of the humble
You are the humble King
| Vineyard Music - Humble King |

I've been taking a break from blogging. Haven't had much energy to type the last two weeks. Had my Passing Out Parade (POP), had quite a good youth camp, excellent megapraise night and got posted to School of Infantry Specialists (SISPEC). Thats how fast the week has seemed to me. How I wish I didn't have to go back to NS. How I wish that every day could be spent developing relationships with others. How I wish every day could be spent doing the things I desire and trying to achieve the things I want. Every part of me dreads the physical & mental strain which I will be facing. But there's something that God wants me to learn. Something I have to develop during this time. I've already seen the benefits that BMT has provided me with. I expect that SISPEC will be a step up. My responsibility is to do my best. Where God carries me with that is up to Him. I've already worried more than what is necessary.

XScapade Elpizo has been a trying time as well. It was fun, yes, but tiring as well... I'm glad that I got a chance to serve even though I wasn't placed in any leadership role. I think I had a chance to help out in many areas of the camp. From logistics, fatigue work (Sai Kang), prayer, worship, ministry time. I'm pleasantly surprised to find myself in these roles. Its weird to be enjoying these areas of service. I mean, just 2 weeks ago, I was complaining about having to clean up the parade square in Tekong. But I would have swept the entire church willingly if it was required. It all depends on who you WANT to serve.

Glad to see the youth accepting Christ and committing their lives to Him. Good to see God working through the camp. I'm reminded again that its not how well the camp is organised or run which brings results. But on whether we're willing to let God take control of the camp. I think the ministry times were the most rewarding for me. Allowing God to speak through me and at the same time letting Him speak to me. One area I think I could improve when praying for others could be the way I phrase the words. Sometimes the words I get from God are a little bit 'fuzzy'. And I speak it out fuzzy as well. Maybe I just need practice.

God spoke to me today during worship.
Assurance, Empowerment, Repositioning, Adjustments.

::: Song of the Day :::
I felt for sure last night
At once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
No, stop it...

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here and now, I'm ready
Holding on tight
Dont give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here and now, I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here and now, I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine...
| jimmy eat world - 23 |